Life-block

The blogging silence has been a lot longer than I had originally intended. Most of you already know that OCS adventure did not end as expected... I keep thinking about a card that a friend sent me right before I left... it had a picture of a salmon that had fought its way to the top, where a large, brown bear was awaiting its arrival... the subtitle was: "the journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly." That pretty much sums up my 9 week (as opposed to 10 week) OCS experience.

I have now been back for a month and a half, still don't have a job, and haven't a clue what I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I have military in my blood and can't seem to give up the idea... so after spending the first month at the beach, working on my fabulous tan and catching up on my down-with-the-terrorists fiction reading, I find myself checking out Coast Guard and Army websites, and scrolling through civilian positions open in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have sent my resume out all over the place, but I am feeling directionless. And not just as far as work goes... in just about every way. I walk into my room and haven't a clue where to begin straightening it up. I sit down to play my guitar, and the chords just don't come. I open up my journal and stare at the blank page in front of me. I think I have hit a life block. I am not unhappy or upset, just unsure and a little lost. So, if you have read this far and still haven't closed the page out of total boredom (as I probably would have), please say a prayer for me - pray that I will figure out where to go next, and in the meantime, to patiently trust God with my future.