Random Thoughts of the Unemployed

I have to write an essay on why I want to be an Army Officer. Trying to come up with that has gotten me thinking about why I've wanted to do all the things I've done... My thoughts took a philosophical bent and carried me back many years.

I have to admit, I've lived a charmed life. My childhood was a happy one, and I was given more opportunities than anyone else I know. I studied the things that interested me, took lessons or classes in some of the most random things (e.g. cake decorating and french braiding). Things had a way of naturally working out for me. At 6 years old, I remember wondering why, when in the grand scheme of things, the majority of people inhabit places much less advantaged, I was not only born in the greatest country in the world, but also in the greatest state within that country (even at 6, I was sure that NY was the center of the universe). I was also taught at an early age that "to whom much is given, much is required." I guess it is ever since then that I have been looking for a way to give back. I was sure that my life was meant to be extraordinary - normal just never sat well with me. I thought deploying to a war zone would cure me of this need to do something great. Instead, I found a job that was more than a job. It was home. I was actually doing something meaningful. And I loved it. For the first time in my life, I had this sense of "this is where I am supposed to be and I am doing what I was called to do." It was an incredible feeling, but it didn't last long. When my four month deployment came to an end, I returned to the real world - a world I didn't belong in. It was a place where people were preoccupied with pleasure and "things" - where girls were obsessed with achieving the perfect bikini body and grown men were waiting on lines for 24+ hours just be one of the first to buy the new iphone with all the game features. The banality of it all was driving me insane. I just kept thinking of all the men and women I had left behind in Iraq. They had so little and gave so much. I had to get back there! So, the journey began... I tried to deploy as an analyst, I tried to become an agent; I even tried to join the Marine Corps! But after completing 9 weeks of the 10 week program, I got dropped. Two years after my initial deployment I am still looking for a way to return, but I am beginning to wonder if I've lost sight of the goal. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to Iraq. Maybe all of that was preparing me for something else. I really don't know. In the meantime, I will continue to seek God's will for my life because I know He has a plan for me. This waiting period is a test of faith that is teaching me patience. So, I wait on His perfect timing. I still expect the extraordinary, but I haven't a clue as to what shape that is going to take. It may be as an Army Officer, but then again, it may not. I'll let you know when I find out. =)