When it Rains it Pours!

Or so they say... I guess today, it is more like "when it snows, it blizzards." In any case, I am using the term metaphorically as it was intended.

Unemployment has lasted much longer than I ever expected. I have entered my seventh month of sloth and lack of income. Some days are harder than others, but the Lord always provides. Until the last 2 weeks, the entire time of job searching was as unrewarding as it could possibly be - not a single phone call or email response, no less an interview for all the hundreds of resumes I submitted! Silence. The cold shoulder. I felt very unwanted. But those days are now over. I have had one interview, have another one next week, and am waiting for a job offer on a third one. Now, the problem is, which one do I accept if I am offered more than one? They each have their own advantages and disadvantages. One would keep me here - the least exciting and most comfortable. One would have me on the road (or in the air) all the time - I would have no life outside of work and my hours would be completely unpredictable. The third would send me to Iraq for a year - it's a contract position, so no job security once the year is up, and seeing as it is in a war zone, the most dangerous of the three. The third is obviously the most appealing to me for many reasons, but I can't help but wonder if it is fair to do this to my family again? I have put them through so much already. I know it is hard for my Mom when I am that far away... she worries (a normal Mom response, considering the circumstances). I just don't know... Is it a selfish choice?

This may all be jumping the gun seeing as I have not actually been offered any of the aforementioned positions, but these are the thoughts currently running through my brain.

Random Thoughts of the Unemployed

I have to write an essay on why I want to be an Army Officer. Trying to come up with that has gotten me thinking about why I've wanted to do all the things I've done... My thoughts took a philosophical bent and carried me back many years.

I have to admit, I've lived a charmed life. My childhood was a happy one, and I was given more opportunities than anyone else I know. I studied the things that interested me, took lessons or classes in some of the most random things (e.g. cake decorating and french braiding). Things had a way of naturally working out for me. At 6 years old, I remember wondering why, when in the grand scheme of things, the majority of people inhabit places much less advantaged, I was not only born in the greatest country in the world, but also in the greatest state within that country (even at 6, I was sure that NY was the center of the universe). I was also taught at an early age that "to whom much is given, much is required." I guess it is ever since then that I have been looking for a way to give back. I was sure that my life was meant to be extraordinary - normal just never sat well with me. I thought deploying to a war zone would cure me of this need to do something great. Instead, I found a job that was more than a job. It was home. I was actually doing something meaningful. And I loved it. For the first time in my life, I had this sense of "this is where I am supposed to be and I am doing what I was called to do." It was an incredible feeling, but it didn't last long. When my four month deployment came to an end, I returned to the real world - a world I didn't belong in. It was a place where people were preoccupied with pleasure and "things" - where girls were obsessed with achieving the perfect bikini body and grown men were waiting on lines for 24+ hours just be one of the first to buy the new iphone with all the game features. The banality of it all was driving me insane. I just kept thinking of all the men and women I had left behind in Iraq. They had so little and gave so much. I had to get back there! So, the journey began... I tried to deploy as an analyst, I tried to become an agent; I even tried to join the Marine Corps! But after completing 9 weeks of the 10 week program, I got dropped. Two years after my initial deployment I am still looking for a way to return, but I am beginning to wonder if I've lost sight of the goal. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to Iraq. Maybe all of that was preparing me for something else. I really don't know. In the meantime, I will continue to seek God's will for my life because I know He has a plan for me. This waiting period is a test of faith that is teaching me patience. So, I wait on His perfect timing. I still expect the extraordinary, but I haven't a clue as to what shape that is going to take. It may be as an Army Officer, but then again, it may not. I'll let you know when I find out. =)

"...and now we feel safe."

When people find out that I spent a little time in Iraq, inevitably they ask "so, what do you think about what we are doing over there?" Anyone who knows me, knows I am optimistic about what we've done in Iraq, but then again, I saw mostly good. I was never around for morter attacks or suicide bombings... So I am always happy to hear that there are Iraqis who agree with me. As the Iraqis are going through another iteration of elections, it is interesting to see how far they (and we) have come. One Iraqi, when talking about why he was voting for Maliki, said the following:
“I like him because he was successful in improving the security situation and started reconstruction. The important thing for us at that time was safety and now we feel safe.” I think that statement speaks for itself. For a country that has only ever known war, the ability to feel safe is huge! So, what do I think about what we are doing over there? I think we are doing a great job, and I look forward to a day when the Iraqi people can feel safe enough with their own government and military that our sons and daughters can come home for good.

The Greatest Story Ever

While I was home this past weekend, my family and I chopped down our Christmas tree and decorated the house. I was busy stringing the lights around the tree, my attention completely consumed by the task at hand, as my little brother was behind me setting up the nativity scene. He was chattering all the while to no one in particular. I must confess, I was not paying too much attention, that is, until Mom came along and was not too happy about something. Apparently J. had put one of the wise men in the place usually occupied by Joseph. He tried to defend himself by asking Mom, "why do we always have to put everything in the same place every year?" I'm not sure if he really thought that would work with Mom, but if he did he was wrong. No one, however, answered his question. He and Mom both left the room, leaving me to continue stringing lights. As I worked on this task alone, I thought about J's question. It struck me that many people are asking the same question. Isn't that why the story gets told in many ways. People seem to think they can improve upon the story God wrote and they defend their "artistic license" with the same question. The reason we put up nativity scenes each year is to remind ourselves of the greatest story ever... of God becoming man so that man could be reconciled to God. It doesn't need pageantry or adornment - if anything, all that takes away from the truth, veiling it in the material. This is something that became very obvious to me last year in Iraq. We gathered in the chapel (an old, run-down building that was part of the base in Ramadi when it was run by Saddam's Army before we invaded). There was very little in there to remind one of the grand cathedrals or even the quaint, country churches. It was bare and rather dirty (as we all trekked mud in on our boots despite our best efforts not to)... yet I cannot think of a Christmas when the reason for celebrating was more real to me. We read through the scriptures and sang the hymns I've sung since I was very little, and as we ended with Silent Night, the lights were turned off and we all lit the candles we had been holding. I couldn't help but think that had to be so much closer to the real thing than anything I had ever done until then. In the desert, along the Euphrates, where the stars were bright overhead and the world was anything but peaceful, I felt like it must have a night like that when Christ came to earth. Regardless, my point is that we don't need to change the story in order to make it feel more real. If we are feeling a need for change, maybe it's time to tear down the veils we have constructed. When I really think about it, the story of that very first Christmas is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Along with the death and resurrection of our Savior, it will forever be the greatest story ever!

And America rejoices... or should anyway

Our military gets a break for once! In the case of Jose Nazario, a civilian jury acquitted the former-Marine of manslaughter after only 6 hours of deliberations.

In the first civilian trial in modern times of a former member of the U.S.military for alleged combat crimes, a Riverside jury Thursday acquitted a one-time Marine sergeant in the killings of four unarmed Iraqi prisoners in Fallujah. (click here for full article)

I have to say, I am shocked. I did not expect it turn out this way, especially in CA of all places!

Justice was finally served today. I want the same justice for every Marine, sailor, and soldier serving in harm's way. ~ Nazario, after his acquittal

Safe

Knowing clouds will raise up
storms will race in
but you will be safe in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
dreams may not come true
but you are never all alone
because I will always
always love you
~ Plumb

I was having a rough day last week... seemed like nothing was going quite right, so I turned on the radio and started cleaning my room. The song In My Arms by Plumb came on the Christian station I had on (see lyrics above). I had never heard it before, but I found it very comforting, and more importantly, it was a great reminder to me that I can trust God in the little things because He has always been faithful to me in the big things. I do not think there was a single time while I was in Iraq that I feared for my life. It was like I could feel His presence around me, protecting me. Now that I am back in the States, I think I often forget that He is still always near me, watching over me and keeping me safe in His arms.

No place is truly "God-forsaken"

As night falls on Forward Operating Base Rustamiyah silence and darkness covers the FOB. This assists the FOB to remain tactically quiet and unseen throughout the night. However, if you listen closely through the constant running of generator motors and air conditioning units you can hear a melodic sound off in the distance. (click here for full article)

In Rustamiyah, there is apparently a group of soldiers, who have formed a band (of sorts) and play Christian music to lift the spirits of the men and women serving there. As I read this article it reminded me of my time in Ramadi... I'm thankful that there are still guys like Maz over there, getting people together to play music, boost morale, and most importanly, praise the Lord. =)

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed... ~ II Corinthians 4:8-9

Exciting times

It just makes my day to log-on to my computer in the morning and read about the success we are having in Iraq. The past month has seen a steady increase in these good news stories. Here is an excerpt from an article I read this morning:

The United States is now winning the war that two years ago seemed lost. Limited, sometimes sharp fighting and periodic terrorist bombings in Iraq are likely to continue, possibly for years. But the Iraqi government and the U.S. now are able to shift focus from mainly combat to mainly building the fragile beginnings of peace - a transition that many found almost unthinkable as recently as one year ago... That does not mean the war has ended or that U.S. troops have no role in Iraq. It means the combat phase finally is ending... The new phase focuses on training the Iraqi army and police, restraining the flow of illicit weaponry from Iran, supporting closer links between Baghdad and local governments, pushing the integration of former insurgents into legitimate government jobs and assisting in rebuilding the economy. (click here for full article)

These really are exciting times! It feels like we have been at war for a LONG time, but to finally see results makes it all worth it. Oh to go back over there and be a part of it all... *sigh*

This has GOT to be a good sign...

Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki raised the prospect on Monday of setting a timetable for the withdrawal of U.S. troops as part of negotiations over a new security agreement with Washington. (Reuters)

Before now, there has been no mention of the US ever leaving... not by the Iraqis anyway (let me clarify, not by the Iraqis we are backing).

While I support the war effort and our soldiers, marines, etc, over there, I will be very happy to see them come home (or in the case of some, to see them not have to go back for a third or fourth tour).

God bless our troops! And God bless America!

If you could, would you?

I have no idea what sparked the conversation topic, but my supervisor asked me if I would do anything differently if I could live my life over. It's not like it's a question I haven't asked myself before, but still, it made me stop and think. I know most people regret not having said or done certain things... I would have to say that my greatest regrets have more to do with things I have said or done and wish I had not. Maybe it is better to just not think about it... but if given the opportunity to redo this past year, I would change a lot. I think that most of my bad decisions stemmed from one decision: to go to Iraq. I'm pretty sure my life would be very different if I had never gone. I would not have had the opportunity to make many of the stupid mistakes I made and would have been available to take a job I wanted, but most importantly, I would have been here for my Grandfather and the rest of my family when they needed me. That is my greatest regret. Knowing what I know now, would I really give it all up? Yeah... as much as I loved my time in Iraq... all the relationships built and amazing things experienced... I think I would.

Ode to Iraq and the desert sand

Five months away
Feels like the whole world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till next month to unpack
Try to forget for a while
That I'm back in DC, on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch sunrise
I don't have time
I don't have time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know I said goodbye
...but I wanna see you again

(~ Dido, with some edits from me =P)

The Ramadi Rhythm Kings live on!

The highlight of my time in Iraq was most definitely being a part of the band, The Ramadi Rhythm Kings. It was really hard to leave my band family behind when my deployment came to an end! Since I have been back in the states I have really missed the nightly practices and all the fun times we had together, but I am just thankful I had the opportunity to be a part of all it and to meet so many talented people.

While online, looking for something completely unrelated, I came across a link to the short piece AFN (military TV station) had done on us:

http://www.dvidshub.net/vjump.php?vid=33527

After that, I found an article on the same webpage (I did not know about this article until today)... it brought back such good memories!

Carolers Compete to be Christmas Champion

CAMP RAMADI, Iraq – It started with four then was narrowed down to two, but in the end there could only be one in the Camp Ramadi Carol Off. The event was held to provide a little competition and Christmas cheer to make being away from home a little more bearable. “It gives us something to brighten the season some, because without something like this, it can be pretty depressing,” said Spc. Jani Soberon, military intelligence night analyst for the Brigade Troops Battalion. The four teams sang two songs each for the first round, and then the judges made their decision on which two would advance to the next round. Not only were the judges looking at musical talent, but at how much the crowd enjoyed their performance. The songs ran the gambit from religious, such as “Mary Did You Know,” to less serious songs, such as “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” and “The 12 Days of Christmas” with corresponding choreography. “We picked the songs (we performed) because we knew we and the audience could have a lot of fun with them,” Soberon, a member from the Desert Alley Cats, said. The first two teams eliminated were the two-man ensemble of Tenacious B and the Desert Alley Cats, leaving the Marine team Front Toward Enemy and The Ramadi Rhythm Kings to compete for the number one spot. In the end, it would be the musical talent that would carry the day for the Ramadi Rhythm Kings giving them the title for the Christmas Carol Off.

So, yeah... the band will be no more, but the memory will live on (with some of us, at least).

Wake Up

Have you ever wished you could just sleep for several days or weeks or months, to give a bad environment time to disappear? I know I have. Well, I got the chance to do just that. I entered my dream world in October of last year. It was called Iraq. All the bad things that went on at work and home were not a part of my reality (I knew about some of the bad things that were happening, but I could not process them as real). Those soporific five months were great (in actuality, very little sleeping took place during that time)! I wish they could have gone on a lot longer. Unfortunately, the return to the real world was much worse than I expected. Very little has changed and all the changes that did occur in my abscence have not been good. Life was not always perfect in my dream world, but I knew that it not be long before I would have to wake, which made the bad bearable and the good something to be cherished forever. In the real world I do not have that luxury. There is no waking up... just the desire to slip back into my world of make-believe.

Interesting Perspective on Iraq

Of course I am a little biased, seeing as it was written by my favorite former professor. =)

By Dr. Robert Stacey

I never have understood how tea leaves are supposed to predict the future. How does one glean concrete information from a soggy wad of brown leaves? At first glance, recent events in Iraq may seem about as orderly as a lump of wet leaves, but careful scrutiny reveals a picture more sensible than that of a fortuneteller's.
The most important indicator of Iraq's future is the series of talks between Iranian and American officials, the third round of which took place last week. On their face, such talks seem highly improbable. Iran and the U.S. have taken twisted pleasure in hating one another these past 30 years. And yet here is the senior partner in the Axis of Evil sitting down to have a cordial discussion with the Great Satan. How did that happen?
Since the start of the insurgency in Iraq, Iran has assumed the Americans would eventually "cut and run." When that happened, the Iranians assumed they would exert their influence over the Shiite majority in Iraq and turn their neighbor into a client state that could be used to extend hegemony throughout the rest of the Middle East.
The only problem with this plan was that the U.S. did not bow out as predicted. Earlier this year when George Bush - having suffered a stinging electoral defeat and facing a massive public backlash - announced not a withdrawal but a surge, Iran began to recalculate. Perhaps the Americans were not leaving after all.
The Iranians remember the last time they waited out a weakened, lame-duck president in Jimmy Carter. They ended up with Ronald Reagan, who felt no obligation to negotiate, let alone yield anything.
The Bush administration has learned a painful lesson: Its preferred outcome of a stable, democratic, pro-American regime in Iraq will never be. This is largely because Iran easily can foment instability via its Shiite proxies indefinitely. But now Iran realizes that it cannot have its preferred outcome either: another Shiite client state and regional hegemony. As a result, Iran has agreed to earnest negotiations with its most ardent regional rival.
Lost in the fog of Iraqi bombings and reprisals was the recent killing of Mohammed al-Badri - a top al-Qaida figure in Iraq - in a U.S. air strike. Al-Badri orchestrated the bombing of the al-Asakariyah shrine, revered by Shiites. The killing was significant to Iran. According to Strategic Forecasting, "Though public distrust has marred past rounds of negotiations, this time might be different . . . .The Americans now are figuratively dropping a head on the table as a token of sincerity."
And Iran's sincerity? It is no coincidence that Iran has agreed to international inspections of its nuclear program.
But what of other troubling events in Iraq? For example, in advance of the latest round of U.S.- Iranian talks, several Sunni members of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki's cabinet resigned, while numerous others temporarily boycotted. Suspicion abounds among Iraq's Sunnis that an agreement between Iran and the U.S. will favor Iraqi Shiites. Some Sunnis would rather disrupt the Iran-U.S. rapprochement now than face a Shiite-dominated government later.
Here is where Saudi Arabia enters the picture. As the chief Sunni state in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, too, fears an ascendant Iran. A reconstituted Iraq dominated by Iran would bring the Persian Shiite aggressor to the doorstep of the Sunni Arab homeland. Last week's attacks by Saudi police on Iraqi pilgrims (including relatives of a senior government official) at a holy site in Mecca were a reminder that the Saudis still have clout - not to mention control over Islam's holiest cities.
The Saudis and Iraq's Sunnis are perhaps justifiably fearful of an Iranian-American deal, which explains why the Bush administration picked this time to announce major arms sales to Saudi Arabia and other Persian Gulf allies.
Why, the critics ask, would the administration throw fuel on a fire already out of control by introducing more weapons to a troubled region? The answer is simple: The weapons are meant to allay Saudi concerns about concessions to Iran. What's more, the approach seems to be working. Despite their fears, the Saudis thus far have been content to trust America to secure Sunni interests at the table with Iran.
If all of this seems complicated, that's because it is. Delicate, too. Like used tea leaves, these initial steps toward stability in Iraq could be overturned by a simple swish of the cup. Nevertheless, if one substitutes recent events for tea leaves, the future of Iraq is looking a little less gloomy.