Tippy-toes and tipping scales

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great
And the bar gets raised too high
So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measured, but You know better

~ Nicole Nordeman

These lyrics have been running through my head for weeks now as I train for a new career and the fear of failure is ever-present, literally waking me in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. The lyrics have taken on new meaning since I found out that I shrunk a half inch. That may not seem like a big deal (and wouldn't have under normal circumstances), but the USMC weight charts are based on height, which means I now have to lose weight to be comfortably within weight standards. Oh the joys of trying to join the few and proud...  =) 

On ropes, logs, and self-doubt

So I went to the USMC obstacle course (or the O-course as the Marines like to call it) this morning. I have never felt so old and out of shape as I did this morning! It was SO discouraging, I cannot even tell you!  I kept playing it over in mind as I drove home... each obstacle - what it looked like, what the technique was for it and what it felt like as I tried to get through it.  It always came back to the same thing: will I really be able to make it through OCS? I had no doubt until today.  Depressed, I got home and baked a loaf of banana bread - now there is something I am good at. Put me in a kitchen and I can create just about anything you could want to eat!  Actually, I have a lot of things I am good at, so, why am torturing myself with all this USMC stuff? I asked myself that question as I mashed bananas and folded in flour.  Well, in fact, there are a lot of reasons, but the seeming impossibility of the course, which initiated the questions is the very thing  that drew me to the Marine Corps in the first place. There is nothing quite like completing the impossible!  I love the challenge.  That is what my current job has lacked for so long.  So, it is time to get my head back in the game and learn to love logs, bars, and ropes.  =)  One day soon I will look back on this with a feeling of foolishness for ever having doubted my ability. I can't wait for that day!