It is enough that He knows

August 1, 2009 was not exactly a high point in my life. After 9 weeks of the most intense training I had ever been through, I was dropped from USMC OCS and returned to civilian life. I was worn out, physically, emotionally drained, and very unsure of my future. However, I was still confident that God was in control, and as my Father, He wanted what was best for me. I had a great support system of friends and family, who were very understanding. One of my friends texted me as soon as she found out.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

It was meant as an encouragement (and taken that way), but I remember thinking to myself at the time, "well, it is great that He knows, but I would like to be in on the secret as well! It is my future after all." Almost 7 months later, I am very thankful that I was not in on the secret. First of all, if I had known that I would go 6 months without getting a single response from any of the jobs I applied to, I would have been too discouraged to even begin. Second, the waiting time was a great (great in terms of immensity - obviously not a pleasant experience) time of testing for me. During months 1 - 3, my faith was strong. The holiday months were a little harder with their ups and downs, but I was surrounded by my wonderful family, and just felt so blessed with all the non-material things in life that I couldn't be too discouraged. Then January rolled around... A new year, a new start, but I was still stuck in a rut - no change, nothing hopeful on the horizon, still unemployed. That was when the true test came. There were some very dark days (and even darker nights) - far more tears than I would like to admit, and often, my faith was not what I would have thought it would be. But as the saying goes, night is darkest just before the sun rises. Well, the sun is finally shining again, but I hope I do not quickly forget the lessons learned over the last year.

My life is in His hands, and it is ok if I do not know what the future holds.

But I want it SWEETER!!!

I went to visit a friend the other day. Her adorable children (a 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy)refer to me as "Aunt" even though we are technically not related because she was practically adopted into my family years ago. While I was there, we decided to make chocolate chip cookies (not an easy feat with well-behaved children... but with the little devil that is her son...). Well, it went like this: "go wash your hands." The sound of little feat scampering off is heard, followed by a shriek of "SHE WON'T LET ME WASH MY HANDS!" Once that was resolved we got started... Girl creams butter and sugar together while boy cracks egg... boy mixes egg with butter and sugar while girl measures flour... All the while I am there, supervising.
Boy: "yum! this is gonna be good!"
His Mom: "are you eating the dough? you are allergic to raw egg!"
Boy: "no."
I look over and realize he has added something to the mix. I thought it was baking soda, but when I asked him, he said "no, I just want to make it sweeter." Then it hit me. I knew exactly what he had added... The only other thing that looks like suger: SALT! I picked up the salt bottle, Me: "how much of this did you add?!"
Boy: "two."
Me: "two what?"
Boy: "just two. I wanted to make it sweeter!"
Me: "but that doesn't make it sweeter, it makes it disgusting!!!"
His Mom took the plunge, stuck her finger in the batter, and tasted it. The verdict: VERY SALTY! That was the end of that batch of cookies. We had to dump out the dough and start over again.
I was really irritated. One, because he didn't follow instructions, and two, that all those ingredients had been wasted. But as I thought about the whole scene on my way back home that night, I realized how like my little nephew I can be at times. How often, I fail to follow my heavenly Father's simple instructions because I think that my own way will be "sweeter." I can only imagine how many times He looks at me and says "daughter, I will make it sweet if you follow MY instructions. What you are doing is only going to ruin what could be good."
It may a silly comparison, but it was a good lesson for me.