It's the Little Things

A friend of mine always responds to questions with "in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?" His question got me thinking, because I think the answer is yes. They may seem unimportant, but by the same token you could say any one life is insignificant when compared to the multitudes out there. You could say that the things that one breaking heart or one rejoicing soul is unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but Jesus said that not a sparrow could fall from the sky without the notice of God. If He is concerned with little things, isn't it appropriate that we be as well? I have always found beauty in the little things. Yes, a sunrise can be spectacular, crashing waves, awe-inspiring, and places like the Grand Canyon, well, beyond description. But what about a raindrop on a flower petal, or the little fingers and toes of newborn, or the simple touch of the one you love? Are these things insignificant or unworthy of our attention merely because they are small and fail to stand out in the grand scheme of things? Maybe I am a bit on the sentimental side, but I think it is the little things that make life beautiful.

Confessions of a Closet Romantic

My thoughts are random at best, and I could not pretend to know where they come from. Lately, I have been thinking about romance... the ideal, the fantasy and the harsh reality. Why, I don't know... Actually, I am a romance junkie at heart, brought up on Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen novels, madly in love with the Mr. Knightlys and Col. Brandons. Most people would probably be shocked by this confession, but it's true. I do not like modern romantic comedies and "chick flicks" because besides being unreasonable, they make me uncomfortable - too much sex and awkward innuendo. Of course my lack of interest in weddings (at least, my own) and my oft-declared intentions to NEVER get married have contributed to my reputation as a I am cold-hearted soon-to-be old maid. The truth is I have become disillusioned with the wedding industry as well as marriage (thanks to the many failed marriages I so often witness all around me). All that Hollywood tries to sell off as love is not real. It's sad, really. So many girls watch these movies, read the books, and pour over the magazines, hoping their Prince Charming will magically show up on their doorstep. It's left me with a bad taste for it all. However, while I cannot honestly say I know what it feels like to be happily in love, I do believe that true love exists. For me? Well, I don't know if I would go that far. But I do know I won't settle for less. I am not going to get married for the sake of it. If I do manage to fall utterly, hopelessly in love, then maybe. =) Until then, I will remain the single, wandering adventurer. It's not everything I would have hoped for, but it's not a bad life.

Why

As far back as I can remember, I have always had an insatiable curiosity. I wanted to know everything about everything... science, history, philosophy, theology, teleology... my poor Mom! As I've grown older, that really hasn't changed, but occasionally my questions take a dark turn...

As I look up, the tears roll down

I feel the pain and wonder why

I sit in silence and alone

The question comes: why, God? Why?

Others get all I want

Enviously I wonder why

I may act nonchalant

But I'm still asking why

Deeply troubled in mind and soul

With a heavy heart and audible sigh

I ask the question above them all:

Why must I always ask why?!

Beauty in Imperfection

While cleaning my bedroom (quite the event), I came across a shell that I had picked up along the shore in Vieques last spring. I left most of the shells we collected with her in a basket that she put out on the back porch at home, but this one was unwanted... I remember that day very clearly. We were walking along the north shore of the island when I saw it lying there on the beach among the many other shells - it was a conch, or had been. What was left of it was only the center stem of the shell. The outer shell was completely gone and the edges had been smoothed away by the constant friction of the waves and sand. I picked it up and called over to where my Mom and sister were standing, "look, Mommy, isn't it pretty?!" (yes, I still call her Mommy and will continue to do so as long as I live). To my dismay she shook here head disapprovingly and said, "it's broken." I was disappointed that she didn't see the beauty in it. I still thought it was pretty and so I stuck it in my pocket and continued on down the beach. Thinking back on that day, I find it ironic that no one else liked my broken shell, considering what it was we were really out there looking for. My family has a thing for "ancient glass" and since the north shore of Vieques is known for having a veritable trove of ancient glass, we set out on a mission to retrieve some. Of course, all it is is broken beer bottles that have spent enough time in the elements to smooth out their sharp edges and give their once clear, glossy veneer, a frosted and worn appearance.

As I thought about it, I realized the same is true in life. We strive endlessly for an unattainable goal of perfection and miss the beauty of what God is doing with our lives through the trials that come our way, the lessons learned through mistakes we've made, and the refining process that often accompanies our pain. Beyond all of that, it is our imperfection that points us back to the One who is perfect. And, while we strive for the holiness He requires, He can use even our weakness and imperfection for His glory. Now that is beautiful!

Thought of the day

A friend emailed this to me... it struck a chord with me, so I thought I would post it here.

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

It kinda got me thinking... and I think it is true. Sometimes the people we want are the people we need, but there are people in my life (yes, even now) that I wish were not here, but in the grand scheme of things, I suppose I should be thankful. Either I need them, or they need me... and in both cases, I am exactly where God wants me to be. As a wise friend once told me, "the safest place to be is the center of God's will."

Random fact of the day

Yams and Sweet Potatoes are NOT the same. They are actually from two different plant families. Yams are naturally sweeter that Sweet Potatoes, and are generally much larger.

So, now you know. =)

Today's Thoughts

Oscar Wilde was probably one of the most brilliant writers ever!

I remembered that Monrovia is the capitol of Liberia (thanks, Dr. B), which made some people think I was smart.

Remembering facts that seem unimportant at the moment can be helpful someday... who woulda thought anyone would ever ask me where Bohemia was (the European one, not the one on LI)?! More importantly, who woulda ever thought I'd remember? =P

Stressing over things beyond our control is obviously ridiculous, but stressing about the things we can control is equally pathetic.

I forgot how much I love getting lost in a good book.

Strawberries make everything better.

NY (only NYC and LI count) is the best of all possible worlds... especially in the summer.

Spiders are preferable to centipedes.

Baking is theraputic.

Black and white movies are best.

I miss my childhood. If I could go back to any time, I would be 13 or 14 again (I think). Life was so carefree.

I hate my job.

Humidity is good.

AC is bad.

The current soundtrack of my life is dissonant, but not in a bad way.

The difference a day can make

Looking through this window pane
At the world nearby
I see nothing there but rain
Makes me want to cry
How did this circumstance find me
Hidden so safely here?
What have I done to deserve these tears?

Then again another day
Different point of view
Searching higher than before
This time I see You
How did this miracle find me?
Why do You know my name?
What have I done to deserve this love anyways?
You know I can’t say

Now I’m driving down the road
With great music on the radio
And a great big sun in the sky
It’s good to be alive
It’s good to be alive

Can the joy of life be found in simple gratitude?
And is gratitude as simple as perspective?
~ Twila Paris

This morning was the first time I was able to drive to work in my new car. The sun was rising (not enough to see it, but enough to turn the sky a soft shade of pink), and the world just seemed somehow brighter than it did last week when it everything falling down around me. This song came to mind, so I thought I'd post a couple of the verses. =)

It's a happy day!

Today's stream of conciousness

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
~ Voltaire
*in my head* Yeah, I guess that's true... *playing on the radio* I'm blue. I'm in need of a guy, da dee dee da dee di, I'm blue. If I were green I would die, da dee dee da dee di... those are not even the right lyrics to that song. Oh, well. I am in need of a guy- I mean what girl isn't when she runs into car trouble? Well, I guess a girl who is mechanically inclined isn't. Hmmm... maybe I should just take some classes in car mechanics - wait, that doesn't sound right. Makes it sound like a class on guys who are mechanics, instead of a class on what makes a car work (or not work as the case may be). *radio drones on* Nothing’s true and nothing’s right, so let me be alone tonight. Cause you can’t change the way I am. Are you strong enough to be my man? *back to my thoughts* feeling like there's theme here... actually, no... the last one was my fault (lyric reconstruction), besides, I just need a car. That's all. Is that too much to ask for?! Also, I need to figure out what to do with my poor baby, still sitting at the repair shop.

On my heart

Whate'er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate'er he doth;
And follow where he guideth:
He is my God: though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to him I leave it all.

This song has been floating through my head today...

And from yesterday's sermon:
"Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering? And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering." (Genesis 22:7-8)