How long must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart
I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.
~Tenth Avenue North
I wish I could say that I have never felt this way - that I could not possibly relate to these words, but that is so far from the truth. What bothered me more was not the way I could relate, but the way in which I could not. Despite having felt complete dependancy on God, and often crying out in desperation, I don't think I have ever asked Him to "hold my heart." If I had, maybe I wouldn't be here right now. As a child, I was often told to "guard my heart" and other such phrases, but I don't think it ever sunk in. I never really understood what that meant... until it was too late. Or is it? Is it too late to ask God to hold my heart even though I have already given it away? I wonder...
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