My Only Hope

I am a bit of a Relient K fan (ok, fanatic might be a better word to describe me) and have been listening to some of their songs on Playlist.com (my all-time favorite website... well, maybe second to Google =]) and came across the song entitled, "When I go Down." I had not heard it before yesterday, but decided immediately that I really like the lyrics... they fit how I often feel. Here are some of the words (approx. half of the song):

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
Only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

~ Relient K

Fall has arrived

Have you ever noticed how seasons often change in a day (at least in this part of the country)? This morning there was a definite change in the air. It was crisp and cold... but I think what really did if for me was the destinct smell of dying leaves. Leaves have a certain smell to them when they first fall from the trees and begin to dry up. They also have a different smell in the Spring (if you, like I, wait until then to rake them up) when they have been sitting around, rotting all winter. I know I am very strange about smells, but ever since I can remember, I have always been very sensitive to scents, and associated people, places, and events with specific smells. When I was painting my room, I was using a drop cloth that I borrowed from Grandma. As soon as I spread it out, the scent of wood, paint, and diesel fuel filled my room, and memories of working with Grandpa in his garage flooded my mind. Tommy Boy cologne will always bring me back to my first restaurant job and the cute, Dominican, waiter who was always hanging around the hostess' desk. And, of course, the smell of salt air will always make me think of home. Well, enough with my random digressions... I am going to Starbucks to enjoy one of the few things I love about fall... Pumpkin Spice Lattes!

General Update

Life is insane. It is official. All summer I have been running around (limited to travel withing the continental US, but running nonetheless). I have one more weekend booked and then I think I have some chill time coming up (of course, that could change at a moment's notice). I have lived in my "new" apartment for over 5 months now and FINALLY just got around to painting my room this past weekend (it looks FABULOUS, btw). Next up is the bathroom. That is NOT going to be fun since whoever did it last must have been drunk at the time. It needs to be sanded down and all that. It should take a little while. Plus, I have to be careful not to get paint on the tiling around the shower.

Along with painting, I also spent my weekend gallavanting around NYC and going to a Switchfoot/Third Day/Jars of Clay concert in NJ. You may ask "how does she do it?" What can I say, some people are just born AWESOME! =P I will post pictures as soon as the internet comes back up in my apartment. I don't know what the deal is...? it has been all kinds of jacked up since Saturday.

I ran a 10k with my roommate... it took me an hour, which I did not think was bad (for a self-proclaimed non-runner), but I did come in 46th out of 55 (thank you, Air Force! Someone's gotta pull up the rear! =]).

This week I begin Arabic classes, paint all the molding in my room and hopefully start on the bathroom. I have a flag football game on Saturday morning and a wedding that afternoon (I'm hoping to escape without any bruises so I can look all cute in my sexy little black dress). Besides that, I don't think I have anything else going on. I plan to spend more time with my guitar as I have neglected it a little this last week. I am also going to make dinner at least one night this week. My roommate has been doing better than I have with the whole cooking thing lately. It's just hard... with all that has been going on, food is not a priority. I have learned that protein shakes are a girl's best friend. =P

And there you have it... an update on my life. =)

Be careful what you wish for!

As a caveat going into this story, I was a rather naive child and often wished for stupid things, innocently desiring adventure in my own life, not tragedy in the lives of others.

I grew up watching old black and white movies, many of which were set during WWI, WWII, or the Great Depression. Of course, we all know how Hollywood romanticizes everything. As child, I don't think I realized this. I wanted so much to live through a war and a depression. I so admired the people who survived those times and I wanted the chance to prove I could do it too. I remember being really excited during Desert Storm - I was all of 10 years old and glued to the TV screen. When images of the POWs began to flash on the screen, my view of war changed. The reality of it finally hit me. People get hurt and people die. War is not simply a good setting for a grand adventure. When the next war in Iraq started, I was older and could actually understand the implications. I wanted so much to go over there and be a part of it, and thankfully, had the opportunity to do that. What I didn't realize going into it was how much more real the war would become to me. The places they talk about on the news are places I have seen - I worshiped in those chapels, ran on those streets, worked out in those gyms, ate in those DFACs - they are REAL places. And the people are real too - everyone from the Ugandans who worked checkpoint security, to the KBR employees, the Iraqi police, and the American Soldiers. Suddenly, when I got news reports of bombings, it was no longer a question of numbers for me, but of names. Who was it? Did someone I know just die over there?!

This morning, as I scanned news articles to see what I had missed over the crazy weekend, I saw headlines with phrases like "Black Sunday" and instantly thought of my childhood wish to live through a "great depression." Now that I understand what a depression is and does, I seriously hope it doesn't get anywhere near there. As I read the articles, I could help but think I ought to be more careful about what I wish for because sometimes those wishes come true. Maybe someday I will learn to think about others before I start wishing for a tragedy... or better yet, maybe I will just not wish for tragedy at all. I really have to wonder sometimes, what is WRONG with me?! Right now I am just praying that the current economic downturn will turn around and will not hurt too many people in the process.