Random Thoughts of the Unemployed

I have to write an essay on why I want to be an Army Officer. Trying to come up with that has gotten me thinking about why I've wanted to do all the things I've done... My thoughts took a philosophical bent and carried me back many years.

I have to admit, I've lived a charmed life. My childhood was a happy one, and I was given more opportunities than anyone else I know. I studied the things that interested me, took lessons or classes in some of the most random things (e.g. cake decorating and french braiding). Things had a way of naturally working out for me. At 6 years old, I remember wondering why, when in the grand scheme of things, the majority of people inhabit places much less advantaged, I was not only born in the greatest country in the world, but also in the greatest state within that country (even at 6, I was sure that NY was the center of the universe). I was also taught at an early age that "to whom much is given, much is required." I guess it is ever since then that I have been looking for a way to give back. I was sure that my life was meant to be extraordinary - normal just never sat well with me. I thought deploying to a war zone would cure me of this need to do something great. Instead, I found a job that was more than a job. It was home. I was actually doing something meaningful. And I loved it. For the first time in my life, I had this sense of "this is where I am supposed to be and I am doing what I was called to do." It was an incredible feeling, but it didn't last long. When my four month deployment came to an end, I returned to the real world - a world I didn't belong in. It was a place where people were preoccupied with pleasure and "things" - where girls were obsessed with achieving the perfect bikini body and grown men were waiting on lines for 24+ hours just be one of the first to buy the new iphone with all the game features. The banality of it all was driving me insane. I just kept thinking of all the men and women I had left behind in Iraq. They had so little and gave so much. I had to get back there! So, the journey began... I tried to deploy as an analyst, I tried to become an agent; I even tried to join the Marine Corps! But after completing 9 weeks of the 10 week program, I got dropped. Two years after my initial deployment I am still looking for a way to return, but I am beginning to wonder if I've lost sight of the goal. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to Iraq. Maybe all of that was preparing me for something else. I really don't know. In the meantime, I will continue to seek God's will for my life because I know He has a plan for me. This waiting period is a test of faith that is teaching me patience. So, I wait on His perfect timing. I still expect the extraordinary, but I haven't a clue as to what shape that is going to take. It may be as an Army Officer, but then again, it may not. I'll let you know when I find out. =)

Great advice from a good man

An Army chaplain I met in Ramadi (ok, I should elaborate... I went to the Bible studies he led, often talked to him while we were all hanging out around Combat Stress or the chapel, and joked around with him on many occasions... he was definitely a go-to kind of guy)... back to my story... My phone rang the other night and it was none other than the aforementioned chaplain (he was in town for 2 days and unfortunately my schedule did not allow me to see him). After chatting for a while, he wished me well and told me he knew I would be successful in my upcoming career change. I admitted to him that I was not as confident as he seemed to be in my physical ability to achieve my goals. He assured me that I would be successful. Sensing the doubt I couldn't hide, he asked me a question: "what is your purpose in life?" Being the good little catechized girl that I am, I gave the first half of the answer I had memorized long ago: "to glorify God." "So," he replied, "whether you become a Marine, a soldier, or anything else, as long as you continue to glorify God in whatever it is you do, you will be successful." It wasn't anything I didn't already know, but it was exactly what I needed to hear! I have been so focused on me and achieving my goals and dreams that I had lost sight of what is truly important. Thanks to Chaplain R, I have been refocusing as I think through all the possible coming changes. Has it answered the questions I have about my near future? No. Nor has it eliminated my fear of failure or my trepidation, walking into unknown. But I have a peace that I have not felt in a while because I know that even if I fail in certain things in the here and now, ultimately, I will still fulfill my greater purpose. And THAT is a reason to be encouraged!