It is enough that He knows

August 1, 2009 was not exactly a high point in my life. After 9 weeks of the most intense training I had ever been through, I was dropped from USMC OCS and returned to civilian life. I was worn out, physically, emotionally drained, and very unsure of my future. However, I was still confident that God was in control, and as my Father, He wanted what was best for me. I had a great support system of friends and family, who were very understanding. One of my friends texted me as soon as she found out.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

It was meant as an encouragement (and taken that way), but I remember thinking to myself at the time, "well, it is great that He knows, but I would like to be in on the secret as well! It is my future after all." Almost 7 months later, I am very thankful that I was not in on the secret. First of all, if I had known that I would go 6 months without getting a single response from any of the jobs I applied to, I would have been too discouraged to even begin. Second, the waiting time was a great (great in terms of immensity - obviously not a pleasant experience) time of testing for me. During months 1 - 3, my faith was strong. The holiday months were a little harder with their ups and downs, but I was surrounded by my wonderful family, and just felt so blessed with all the non-material things in life that I couldn't be too discouraged. Then January rolled around... A new year, a new start, but I was still stuck in a rut - no change, nothing hopeful on the horizon, still unemployed. That was when the true test came. There were some very dark days (and even darker nights) - far more tears than I would like to admit, and often, my faith was not what I would have thought it would be. But as the saying goes, night is darkest just before the sun rises. Well, the sun is finally shining again, but I hope I do not quickly forget the lessons learned over the last year.

My life is in His hands, and it is ok if I do not know what the future holds.