I'm pretty sure I am a woman, but...

Ok, so my sister posts this rather amusing little piece on the difference between men and women. I was thoroughly amused by it until I got to the end and realized that I did not identify with any of the signiture "womanly" traits, but could very much relate to many of the actions/likes under the "men" heading.

Here is the original post, with my thoughts in blue...

Handwriting:

• To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship.
• Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
• Ok, I am definitely a smily face drawer. =)

Bathrooms:

• A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437.
• My bathroom is not large enough for 20 items, no less 437!

Groceries:

• A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.
• A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that look good.
• You could totally take out "man" and insert "Islandgirl" in this one.

Shoes:

• When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk.
• A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
• Here, I fit into neither category... in the summer, I wear comfortable sandels and sometimes take them off to wear my even more comfortable flip-flops... in the winter, I wear boots or dress shoes to work and kick them off only when my feet at frozen and I need to warm them in front of my space heater. =)

Cats:

• Women love cats.
• Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
• I do not love animals... they shed too much.

Mirrors:

• Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
• Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters....
• Even though I know my family will disagree, I rarely look at myself in the mirror. I do not carry a little mirror in my purse. I often forget to even look up when I am washing my hands in the bathroom. I walked all around NYC one day with chocolate on my face and did not even notice!

Garages:

• Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
• Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
• I literally lived in my garage for a year.

The Telephone:

• Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
• A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
• Email is a better form of communication. I avoid the phone at all costs... well ok, not all costs, but I am usually the one trying to get the other person off the line.

Dressing up:

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
• A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
• You're supposed to dress up for funerals?... who knew...

Laundry:

• Women do laundry every couple of days.
• A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat.
• I do not own enough clothes to warrant a U-Haul.

Toys:

• Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
• Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.
• Do stuffed animals count as toys? How about digital cameras, mp3 players, and laptops? Ummm... I think I missed the growing out of toys stage of my life. =P