Made to Love

Everywhere you look, everyone is looking for someone. This time of year it seems it is exaggerated. Some try the various hook-up websites. Others hit up the clubs or bars. Loser guys, who have already messed up and lost the girls of their dreams pathetically call, text, and message their exes, hoping against hope they can reconnect (all in vain, of course). Why do we do this? I think we all know deep down that more than anything we just want to love and be loved.

This year I have a slightly different perspective on love and relationships. For the first time ever I am starting off the year happily in love. I have dated guys who made me miserable and renewed my hatred for their entire half of the human race, but this time I will be ringing in the new year with the man I adore and who adores me back. I've known the pain of loneliness and have spent more than enough time trying to fill the silence of an empty house. It can be hard to attend the umpteenth wedding without a "plus one" - to answer all the questions about your relationship status (or lack thereof), or even worse - deal with all the cliche "the right one will come along..." Now I am not complaining. I truly wanted to be single and enjoy all the perks of the single life. It is just that as that chapter is quickly coming to a close, I am rejoicing in the romance, companionship, and camaraderie that can be found in this kind of relationship, and comparing it to what I have had thus far.

It is not shocking that people need relationships. We were made in the image of God, and as such, we are relational creatures. Think about it - we are the only creatures on God's green earth with an actual language (I do not want to hear about how monkeys can sign or how dolphins speak - it is NOT the same). We were made to commune with the God who made us, as well as to enjoy the rest of His creation. Relationships, both friendships and romantic relationships are a gift from Him. But all of that is supposed to point us back to Him.

If you feeling a little alone this year, renew your relationship with the God who made you to love. His love has the power to heal, to comfort, and to fill the void people may have left in your heart.

He's Not My Type

I've heard it many times and have said it oft' myself. The idea of even having a "type" is kinda ridiculous when you think about it. Way to throw the baby out with the bathwater! I have an excuse, poor as it may be. I really didn't want to get into a relationship - not casual dating, and definitely not a serious courtship. I liked the freedom I had and wanted to never suffer the misery that is marriage (or at least what I had seen it to be in the lives of many around me). Yeah, I complained about the single life because it's expected. And sometimes even thought about how it would be nice to have someone in my old age. But as long as things were going swimmingly in my professional life, I was quite content in my singleness. So, when people would try to set me up with different guys, without giving them a chance, I would give them a flippant "Oh, he's not my type." Well, God has a sense of humor. If someone had asked me to describe my "type," I probably would have said something to the effect of a musically-inclined military man, with a heart for missions and a disdain for the ipod, ipad, and anything else "i" related. A man, older, stronger, and wiser than myself, with a desire to change the world. Instead, God sent me a man much younger than myself, with a disdain for military life, a love for all things Mac, and an obsession with Bob Dylan. People keep asking me, after all these years of forswearing men, why this guy? It may not seem a likely match, but I see God's fingerprints all over it. He is truly perfect for me in every way. So, for all of you questioners out there, I don't know if I can give you a satisfactory answer via blog, but I will tell you what it is I see when I look at the man I adore.

First off, let me assure you that he is a Christian, who sees eye-to-eye with me on my non-negotiables (namely Sabbath keeping and infant baptism). While those are important to me, they are not the things that swept me off my feet. I suppose there are a lot of things that contributed to this unlikely romance, so let me begin at the beginning. My year in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba probably worked in his favor - a place where compliments flow in as great quantity as the alcohol on that island. I quickly grew accustomed to the pick-up lines and overblown flattery. Mind you, I took it for what it was worth - absolutely nothing. I didn't let it go to my head. I did, however, become hyper-distrustful of men and their thinly-veiled intentions regarding me and any female within view. That being said, my first day back in the States brought me face to face with a sweet, seemingly innocent boy (I say "boy" because he is several years my junior and looks even a bit younger than that when he is clean-shaven). He talked with me, not to get something, but because he was genuinely interested. He looked into my eyes as he spoke and wasn't long before his eyes spoke volumes. We became fast friends, discussing life, religion, philosophy, and politics. We didn't agree on everything, but held common ground on the essentials. Our debates were often lively, rarely heated, and always ended on good terms. We disagree about the exact date that it went from friends to more than just friends, but only by a few days. According to him, it was the night he took me out on our first date (I saw it as dinner and a movie with a friend). Apparently, we "shared a moment" over fajitas. For me, it was the first night I went to his apartment (to cut his hair). After the haircut, he asked me to stay and watch Avatar, a movie I had not seen, despite all the hype. It was during that movie that he reached for my hand. It was electric - I don't know how else to describe it. We had it all... the friendship, the common interests and beliefs, and this touchy-feely thing people call chemistry (whatever it is, we have it!). All of that to say, I am glad I was not limited by a "type" because God sent me the only man able to tear down my walls and win my heart. He is everything I want and nothing I could have imagined. *happy sigh*

To Have or to Have Not

Rejection at any age hurts. In grammar school, it's being picked last in a team sport. In high school it is not being asked to the dance... or worse, being politely (or maybe not so politely) declined. As an adult (at least for most girls), it is being alone on Valentine's Day. It seems ridiculous. Most even-headed single girls, who are not out there in search of a guy merely to have a guy, are fairly content with where they are, hoping that someday Mr. Right will materialize, but not willing to settle for something less. Even these girls seem to lose their wits when February rolls around. They look around and all they see is couples... it seems like the whole world is paired off... well, almost the whole world. And suddenly, being alone on that one day of the year seems like a fate worse than death (yes, I do speak from experience). I was thinking about this as I watched yet another e-harmony commercial, and suddenly, the answer seemed so simple. It is like childhood all over again... like sitting alone at lunch, or not having anyone to play with at recess. It is not the being alone part, it is the fact that there are other people around and yet they don't want to be with YOU. It's rarely personal, but we see it that way just the same. It is rejection in yet another form... a social snub. Others want to be with someone, but that someone is just not you.

Well, here is a challenge, girls (and guys), instead of feeling sorry for yourself, look around. There are other people out there who are alone - people who feel rejected... reach out to those people and be that someone who wants to spend time with them. Make them feel loved and wanted. Because, let's be honest... we all just want to feel like we belong sometimes.

Confessions of a Closet Romantic

My thoughts are random at best, and I could not pretend to know where they come from. Lately, I have been thinking about romance... the ideal, the fantasy and the harsh reality. Why, I don't know... Actually, I am a romance junkie at heart, brought up on Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen novels, madly in love with the Mr. Knightlys and Col. Brandons. Most people would probably be shocked by this confession, but it's true. I do not like modern romantic comedies and "chick flicks" because besides being unreasonable, they make me uncomfortable - too much sex and awkward innuendo. Of course my lack of interest in weddings (at least, my own) and my oft-declared intentions to NEVER get married have contributed to my reputation as a I am cold-hearted soon-to-be old maid. The truth is I have become disillusioned with the wedding industry as well as marriage (thanks to the many failed marriages I so often witness all around me). All that Hollywood tries to sell off as love is not real. It's sad, really. So many girls watch these movies, read the books, and pour over the magazines, hoping their Prince Charming will magically show up on their doorstep. It's left me with a bad taste for it all. However, while I cannot honestly say I know what it feels like to be happily in love, I do believe that true love exists. For me? Well, I don't know if I would go that far. But I do know I won't settle for less. I am not going to get married for the sake of it. If I do manage to fall utterly, hopelessly in love, then maybe. =) Until then, I will remain the single, wandering adventurer. It's not everything I would have hoped for, but it's not a bad life.