But I want it SWEETER!!!

I went to visit a friend the other day. Her adorable children (a 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy)refer to me as "Aunt" even though we are technically not related because she was practically adopted into my family years ago. While I was there, we decided to make chocolate chip cookies (not an easy feat with well-behaved children... but with the little devil that is her son...). Well, it went like this: "go wash your hands." The sound of little feat scampering off is heard, followed by a shriek of "SHE WON'T LET ME WASH MY HANDS!" Once that was resolved we got started... Girl creams butter and sugar together while boy cracks egg... boy mixes egg with butter and sugar while girl measures flour... All the while I am there, supervising.
Boy: "yum! this is gonna be good!"
His Mom: "are you eating the dough? you are allergic to raw egg!"
Boy: "no."
I look over and realize he has added something to the mix. I thought it was baking soda, but when I asked him, he said "no, I just want to make it sweeter." Then it hit me. I knew exactly what he had added... The only other thing that looks like suger: SALT! I picked up the salt bottle, Me: "how much of this did you add?!"
Boy: "two."
Me: "two what?"
Boy: "just two. I wanted to make it sweeter!"
Me: "but that doesn't make it sweeter, it makes it disgusting!!!"
His Mom took the plunge, stuck her finger in the batter, and tasted it. The verdict: VERY SALTY! That was the end of that batch of cookies. We had to dump out the dough and start over again.
I was really irritated. One, because he didn't follow instructions, and two, that all those ingredients had been wasted. But as I thought about the whole scene on my way back home that night, I realized how like my little nephew I can be at times. How often, I fail to follow my heavenly Father's simple instructions because I think that my own way will be "sweeter." I can only imagine how many times He looks at me and says "daughter, I will make it sweet if you follow MY instructions. What you are doing is only going to ruin what could be good."
It may a silly comparison, but it was a good lesson for me.

To the Sons and Daughters of our Service Members...

It's been a while since I had to actually listen to the lyrics of a song and type them out. They are usually just available online somewhere, but not this time. But this song (I'll be Brave This Christmas) touched me when I heard it on the radio this morning. I did not grow up a military brat and do not know what it is like to alway wonder where my parents were... they were always safe at home with me. I do, however, know what it is like to love and miss a Soldier who is thousands of miles away. So, for all of the many children out there whose Mom or Dad is overseas this Christmas, my heart goes out to you.

Dear Daddy, I missed you today when Mama unpacked our old Christmas tree,

And that sweet angel never looked so good on top. But my heart felt sad when you weren't you there to lift me.

It's been a while since you went off to fight the war, so this year it won't presents I'll be wishing for.

And I'll be brave this Christmas, while you're still far away

And I kneel beside my bed each night praying Jesus keeps you safe

Cuz I'm so proud of you. I hope you come home soon

But until you you do, I'll be brave this Christmas.

I see bright colors light up the Wilson's house, while rockets flash across your evening sky.

We sing carols all over town, while you're living out the cost of peace on earth tonight,

but if another little boy can grow just up up like me living in a land that's safe and free

And I'll be brave this Christmas, while you're still far away

And I kneel beside my bed each night praying Jesus keeps you safe

Cuz I'm so proud of you. I hope you come home soon

But until you you do, I'll be brave this Christmas.

Freedom isn't free, and there's a price to pay when duty calls, it takes sacrifice from us all.

And I'll be brave this Christmas, while you're still far away

And I kneel beside my bed each night praying Jesus keeps you safe

We're all I'm so proud of you and we hope you come home soon

But until you you do, I'll be brave this Christmas.

~ Big Daddy Weave

Honoring Our Fallen

We arrived at Arlington National Cemetery at 0830, walked to archway entrance, and followed the throngs of people to one of the wreath-laden trucks. After waiting for some time, I scored a box of wreaths and we went to work. At first we got yelled at for being in the wrong section, but eventually we made it to the "open-wreathing" section. =)

The spruce wreaths with their bright, red bows looked so beautiful against the rows of marble, marking the resting places of men and women who have given so much for this country.

There many service members there... but I have to admit, I still have a weakness for USMC dress blues. =)

Here is a wreath I laid...

It was a small thing to give... an hour's time or so, but I guess in some ways it's the thought that counts. It was a good reminder to me to be thankful for all we have and of the great cost of our freedom here in America.

In His Time

This morning, my former supervisor called to check in on me (he sees me as a daughter - prodigal, though I may be). And he reminded me of something I already know, but somehow lost sight of... God does everything in His own time. He has a plan and a purpose for my life, and sometimes, waiting on Him is the only thing we can do.

With my own future so uncertain, I find myself looking around at everyone else... why do they have a good job? a boyfriend?husband? kids? a house? The list is pretty much endless. When am I going to learn to be happy with the life God has blessed me with? If I could just learn to trust Him and wait on His perfect timing, maybe then I could learn contentment and find the peace that often eludes me.

Another Fabulous Concert

I have been a huge TSO (that is Trans-Siberian Orchestra for those of you unfamiliar with the acronym) for quite a few years now, thanks to a dear friend who will remain anonymous.

Last night was the third TSO concert I have attended, and they did NOT disappoint! Between the additional snow, new LCD screens, and never-before-heard Night Castle songs, they pulled off another unbelievable performance! Just see for yourself.

Christmas comes but once a year...

now it's here, now it's here, bringing lots of joy and cheer, fa la la la la... (that was a song from a very old cartoon that C. and K. and I used to watch as kids - I think it was called Jack Frost).


This is our lovely tree, complete with the fiber-optic angel (it is mesmerizing... the fiber-optic angel, that is). The huge gift bag next to it is from N. to me (can't wait to see what it is!).

This is my favorite ornament! N. gave it to me last year.

Mr. Snowman is one of N's ornaments. I just think he is adorable. Don't you? =)

He's strong to the finish cuz he eats his spinach...

He's Pop-eye the sailor man! Toot toot!!!

hahahhahahahhah...

My New Hobby

kind of...


Mother decided she wanted a wreath and so collected stray branches while we were at the Christmas tree farm. I had never made a wreath before, but Mom has this belief that I can do ANYTHING... so I was not about to disappoint her! We went to the hardware store and bought some thin wire, then collected holly leaves and berries from the neighborhood, along with a few pinecones, proceded to raid the house for bows, ribbon, glitter, and glue, and went to work.

Mom cut branches into workable pieces as I bound them together with wire and forced them into a circle-like shape. We reinforced our wreath by wiring stronger branches along the backside, and tada! A pine branch circle. =)

Mom added glitter to the pinecones and leaves while I wired the various decorations into place. The result: a fabulous Christmas wreath on the front door!

We were so pleased with it, we made a second one for Grandma.

My family is now teasing me about having found my new career. =) As much fun as it was, I don't think my hands to take all the poking pine needles long-term. They are pretty much "to'e up" as it is!

A Christmas Tradition

It has been many years now that we (my family and I) drive an hour or so out east to the Christmas tree farm. We walk around picking out trees only to have other family members ridicule your choice and declare that you have no taste when it comes to finding a Christmas tree. We rib each other and tease all in good fun, and eventually settle on a tree that is not quite as nice as the very first one we saw because there is no way to find that one again. ;-P

This was my first choice, but it was vetoed by the fam... I still can't figure out why...

So, this is the one we ended up with. What can I say, sometimes ya gotta settle. hahaha...=) Just kidding. We all agreed on it (I think).

J. chopped it down, we put it in the minivan, brought it home, and set it ablaze - in colorful lights, of course!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

From Google... =)

Movie Review: The Blind Side

It's been a while since I've done a movie review on here and that is because there have been so few good movies out there. The Blind Side was a pleasant change from that. It was just an all around great movie. Based on the true story of professional football player, Michael Oher and the family that changed his life, it is both touching and uplifting. It brought me close to tears, and yet kept me laughing. I would definitely have to say it is the best movie I have seen in 2009! I now have a new favorite sports movie (it used to be Remember the Titans - still a close second). It portrays Christianity lived out. Don't get me wrong, it is not a Christian movie. Some people may actually be offended by some of the cursing, drug use, and violence in the movie. However, that aside, the focus is on the Tuohy family, the way they opened their home and their hearts to a poor boy from the wrong side of town, and the ways they changed each other along the way. It is a truly sweet story that leaves you with a feeling of happiness and good-will, and a belief that kindness still exists on earth.

Some Things Never Change...

So, I was out running this morning (something I do more consistently in the warm weather). I was at about 2 and a 1/2 miles, listening to my mp3 player, chatting with my friend, and not paying attention to the uneven surface beneath my feet. And like that, I was down. My ankle rolled and the rest of my body followed. I had a flash-back to my childhood. I always fell as a kid. I never owned pants that didn't eventually have holes in the knees, because I spent more time on the ground than I did on my feet. I did a quick check on my knees and to my surprise there were no holes... hmmm... maybe I am getting better with age. That thought didn't last long. Because when I returned home and stepped into the shower, the hot water caused that all-too familiar stinging sensation that accompanies topical injuries. So, both my pride and my knees are rather bruised. As it turns out, fabric companies have improved more over the years than I have. Oh well... =(

Confessions of a Closet Romantic

My thoughts are random at best, and I could not pretend to know where they come from. Lately, I have been thinking about romance... the ideal, the fantasy and the harsh reality. Why, I don't know... Actually, I am a romance junkie at heart, brought up on Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen novels, madly in love with the Mr. Knightlys and Col. Brandons. Most people would probably be shocked by this confession, but it's true. I do not like modern romantic comedies and "chick flicks" because besides being unreasonable, they make me uncomfortable - too much sex and awkward innuendo. Of course my lack of interest in weddings (at least, my own) and my oft-declared intentions to NEVER get married have contributed to my reputation as a I am cold-hearted soon-to-be old maid. The truth is I have become disillusioned with the wedding industry as well as marriage (thanks to the many failed marriages I so often witness all around me). All that Hollywood tries to sell off as love is not real. It's sad, really. So many girls watch these movies, read the books, and pour over the magazines, hoping their Prince Charming will magically show up on their doorstep. It's left me with a bad taste for it all. However, while I cannot honestly say I know what it feels like to be happily in love, I do believe that true love exists. For me? Well, I don't know if I would go that far. But I do know I won't settle for less. I am not going to get married for the sake of it. If I do manage to fall utterly, hopelessly in love, then maybe. =) Until then, I will remain the single, wandering adventurer. It's not everything I would have hoped for, but it's not a bad life.

Random things you never needed to know

The word "Music" originates from the Latin because the Romans called it "the art of the muses."

"Eclectic" can actually be synonym of "discriminating." It comes from the same Greek root that we get our English word "elect." It means to choose.

Based on these two facts, I have come to the conclusion that I must have a very discriminating muse. =)

Happy 40th Anniversary, Sesame Street

Ok, this has got to be the last one, especially since today is the actual anniversary... My guess is that all the other Google Doodles were just leading up to this one. Very cute!

Happy 234th Birthday, USMC!!!

1, 2, 3, 4, United States Marine Corps

OORAH! OORAH!

(I wish I could remember the rest, but I was always bad when it came to cadences. I knew a couple and stuck with those.)

Just want to give a shout out to all our Marines at home and abroad. Thank you for your service!!!

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
~ George Orwell

Freedom is never free, so keep up the good fight!

Back-tracking just a bit

Here was the first Sesame Street Google Doodle from last week. I didn't want anyone to miss out, so I went in search of the image (thankfully, Google had it saved). =)

COUNT DRACULA!

I can't believe I forgot about him. I wonder how far they are gonna go with these? Like, what about Grover? and Prairie Dawn? and Kermit the Frog? and Mr. Snuffleupagus?!

And they saved the best for last!

Or, at least I am assuming this is the end of the Sesame Street characters on Google. I guess we will find out tomorrow...

Looks like I might just get them all!

Yay for Sesame Street's 40th anniversary!

The Journey Continues

Nine years ago, I was standing on the beach looking back at the footprints I had left in the sand. It was early morning and very cold, so I was the only one out there. As I stared at the footprint, I thought about the path I had taken that brought me to the that place in my life. I wanted to cry. My teen years were gone, the future I envisioned for myself was nowhere near what I wanted, and the only mark I had left in the world were the prints in the sand before me.

So, nine years later, another birthday arrives. I am nowhere near where I expected to be, but I am much more hopeful. Although currently jobless and once again unsure of my future, I am amazed at the ways God has worked in my life. The experiences of the last few years have been more than I ever would have dreamed of. I have been touch by the lives of many, and have in turn touched many lives. I am learning slowly that I can trust God with my life - my future - my hopes and dreams.

Here's to the last year of my 20s... let's hope it's a good one!

Two down, two more to go!

How cute are they?!

When Google Meets Sesame Street...

I just love Google's recent homepage pictures! Yesterday it was Big Bird's legs... today it's Cookie Monster's eyes. I hope they use Elmo and Oscar the Grouch too - oh and don't forget Burt and Ernie!

The Tragedy of Apathy

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. ~ George B. Shaw

There is some truth to this quote, but I think there is a third category that is more tragic than the first two. The third is this: to not have any desire. I have seen the apathetic life and at times even experienced it, and it is the saddest of lives.

This past year has held many disappointments for me. I've been forced to give up some dreams. In exchange I've turned to others. But through it all, there has always been something - a reason to keep going - to keep trying to achieve the things just out of reach. Maybe that is why gaining your heart's desire is such a tragedy - there would be nothing left to strive for. Those dreams are what make life worth living.

Yeah, bein' apathetic's a pathetic way to be
(I don't care)
What matters to you does not matter to me
('cause I don't care)

So take a wild guess
It's like I just couldn't care less
If all the things you find impressive
Just blew up and made those messes
That you'll frantically repair
Like it's a life or death affair
And all the while you're unaware
For this, you really shouldn't care

You all laugh at me
Like I'm not happy
With anything, any time, anywhere
And the half of me's all about apathy
And the other half just doesn't care

I'm well aware that everything
Is a far cry from all right
I'm well aware that all of us
Can at times, be too uptight
And possibly, the remedy
Is a dose of apathy
~ Relient K

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid..."

"There's a million toys at Toys-R-Us that I can play with..." Or so the song goes. I would know - I used to sing that little jingle at the top of my lungs. And I meant every word of it. I was probably a bit strange for a child. I was very happy being a kid and had no desire to grow up. Grown-ups couldn't play all day - they had to go to work, and go food shopping, and do laundry. I just could not find the excitement in any of that. My friends couldn't wait for adulthood, but I just never shared in their grandiose dreams of fame and fortune (most of my friends were boys and they thought they were going to be baseball stars).

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I did eventually grow up. I learned all about responsibility. I found that having a job isn't all that bad, food shopping is actually fun when you can buy whatever you want, and laundry is one of the things I actually enjoy doing. =)

Circumstances have in some ways brought me full circle. Being unemployed, I don't have to work... and by offering to babysit for a friend, I had the opportunity to play like I did many years ago. I brought the boys (ages 7 and 11) to the playground, where we proceeded to climb up and slide down the outside of an enclosed slide, swung from the zip-line, hung upside-down from the pull-up bars, played basketball, and sprinted after one another for no reason at all (I in my high-heeled boots!). I had forgotten how great it is to be a kid. Oh, to be young again!

A Walk Through my Darling Neighborhood

On Fathers and Daughters

It's often been said that a daughter marries a man who is similar to her father. Growing up, I didn't believe it. But as I watch my friends get married, it is funny how often that is the case. My friends whose fathers are engineers tend to go for the engineer types, those with fairly authoritarian fathers seem to go for men with strong personalities. And for myself, I tend to go for the cocky, guitar-playing types.

Even for fathers and daughters who do not share a close relationship, there is a bond there that though undeniable is hard to describe. The older I get, the more I see this in my own life. While my Mom is the one I would like to emulate, it is my Dad that I tend to see in myself. It's in the little things... he was a runner, I like to run. When things aren't going well, he turns to his guitar, I do too. He is super-messy, and as much as I hate to admit it, so am I. His sense of smell is keener than most - things like the lingering scent of soap on dishes drives him crazy, I also suffer from this. There are a number of other things that come to mind, but it would take too long to list them all here.

All that to say, I find it very interesting the way God made fathers and daughters. I often don't appreciate my Dad. And lately I've been thinking that I shouldn't take him for granted, instead, I should enjoy the common interests and eccentricities we do share.

Send Me

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began

These broken parts, you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing

Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is a part of your plan,
Here I am

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,

I can't put this together but you can

Here I am, Lord send me...

~ Here I Am by Downhere

This song came on the radio this morning and it seemed so applicable to my current situation in life, so I thought I would post some of the lyrics.

The Games We Play

Lately, I have been thinking about the misery that is dating (based on the experience of friends, seeing as I have almost no experience). The dating game has to be one of the most ridiculous things ever invented. And I have to wonder, has it always been, or is it a creation of more recent years? I mean, seriously! The rules don't even make sense. And who made them up anyway?! "Don't be too available." "Don't call back for 3 days." "Wait to respond to texts and emails so it looks like your busy and actually have a life." These are some of the rules I know about. I'm sure there are a ton of other rules I am completely oblivious to. What I don't understand is why it continues. Everyone complains about it. Guys complain that they don't understand the games girls play and girls say the same about guys. No one really seems to enjoy it - or maybe that is just part of the game too... Are we supposed to pretend we don't like the game or don't follow the rules, while secretly loving all the drama it causes? Well, I don't. I don't like the drama, suspense, etc. Thus, I refuse to play the game. If I hear the phone ring, I pick it up (unless it is a telemarketer). If I want to talk to you, I will call (regardless of how much time has passed). And when I see a text come in, I try to respond immediately (and that goes for all my friends - not just guys). Maybe that means I will spend the remainder of my nights home alone with my crossword puzzles while my roommate goes out and meets new guys. And maybe that's ok. Afterall, what little dating experience I do have is filled with far more regrets than happy memories. And there is always the possibility that there is a man out there who hates the game as much as I do. So, here's to a solitary, drama-free life. ;-P

I found where I belong...

and it is in Hawaii...

The North Shore, near Haliewa

Looking across the bay at our hotel in Waikiki

The look-out point near the lighthouse

Sunset from our balcony.

Random Thoughts of the Unemployed

I have to write an essay on why I want to be an Army Officer. Trying to come up with that has gotten me thinking about why I've wanted to do all the things I've done... My thoughts took a philosophical bent and carried me back many years.

I have to admit, I've lived a charmed life. My childhood was a happy one, and I was given more opportunities than anyone else I know. I studied the things that interested me, took lessons or classes in some of the most random things (e.g. cake decorating and french braiding). Things had a way of naturally working out for me. At 6 years old, I remember wondering why, when in the grand scheme of things, the majority of people inhabit places much less advantaged, I was not only born in the greatest country in the world, but also in the greatest state within that country (even at 6, I was sure that NY was the center of the universe). I was also taught at an early age that "to whom much is given, much is required." I guess it is ever since then that I have been looking for a way to give back. I was sure that my life was meant to be extraordinary - normal just never sat well with me. I thought deploying to a war zone would cure me of this need to do something great. Instead, I found a job that was more than a job. It was home. I was actually doing something meaningful. And I loved it. For the first time in my life, I had this sense of "this is where I am supposed to be and I am doing what I was called to do." It was an incredible feeling, but it didn't last long. When my four month deployment came to an end, I returned to the real world - a world I didn't belong in. It was a place where people were preoccupied with pleasure and "things" - where girls were obsessed with achieving the perfect bikini body and grown men were waiting on lines for 24+ hours just be one of the first to buy the new iphone with all the game features. The banality of it all was driving me insane. I just kept thinking of all the men and women I had left behind in Iraq. They had so little and gave so much. I had to get back there! So, the journey began... I tried to deploy as an analyst, I tried to become an agent; I even tried to join the Marine Corps! But after completing 9 weeks of the 10 week program, I got dropped. Two years after my initial deployment I am still looking for a way to return, but I am beginning to wonder if I've lost sight of the goal. Maybe I am not supposed to go back to Iraq. Maybe all of that was preparing me for something else. I really don't know. In the meantime, I will continue to seek God's will for my life because I know He has a plan for me. This waiting period is a test of faith that is teaching me patience. So, I wait on His perfect timing. I still expect the extraordinary, but I haven't a clue as to what shape that is going to take. It may be as an Army Officer, but then again, it may not. I'll let you know when I find out. =)

Why

As far back as I can remember, I have always had an insatiable curiosity. I wanted to know everything about everything... science, history, philosophy, theology, teleology... my poor Mom! As I've grown older, that really hasn't changed, but occasionally my questions take a dark turn...

As I look up, the tears roll down

I feel the pain and wonder why

I sit in silence and alone

The question comes: why, God? Why?

Others get all I want

Enviously I wonder why

I may act nonchalant

But I'm still asking why

Deeply troubled in mind and soul

With a heavy heart and audible sigh

I ask the question above them all:

Why must I always ask why?!

Beauty in Imperfection

While cleaning my bedroom (quite the event), I came across a shell that I had picked up along the shore in Vieques last spring. I left most of the shells we collected with her in a basket that she put out on the back porch at home, but this one was unwanted... I remember that day very clearly. We were walking along the north shore of the island when I saw it lying there on the beach among the many other shells - it was a conch, or had been. What was left of it was only the center stem of the shell. The outer shell was completely gone and the edges had been smoothed away by the constant friction of the waves and sand. I picked it up and called over to where my Mom and sister were standing, "look, Mommy, isn't it pretty?!" (yes, I still call her Mommy and will continue to do so as long as I live). To my dismay she shook here head disapprovingly and said, "it's broken." I was disappointed that she didn't see the beauty in it. I still thought it was pretty and so I stuck it in my pocket and continued on down the beach. Thinking back on that day, I find it ironic that no one else liked my broken shell, considering what it was we were really out there looking for. My family has a thing for "ancient glass" and since the north shore of Vieques is known for having a veritable trove of ancient glass, we set out on a mission to retrieve some. Of course, all it is is broken beer bottles that have spent enough time in the elements to smooth out their sharp edges and give their once clear, glossy veneer, a frosted and worn appearance.

As I thought about it, I realized the same is true in life. We strive endlessly for an unattainable goal of perfection and miss the beauty of what God is doing with our lives through the trials that come our way, the lessons learned through mistakes we've made, and the refining process that often accompanies our pain. Beyond all of that, it is our imperfection that points us back to the One who is perfect. And, while we strive for the holiness He requires, He can use even our weakness and imperfection for His glory. Now that is beautiful!

Life-block

The blogging silence has been a lot longer than I had originally intended. Most of you already know that OCS adventure did not end as expected... I keep thinking about a card that a friend sent me right before I left... it had a picture of a salmon that had fought its way to the top, where a large, brown bear was awaiting its arrival... the subtitle was: "the journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly." That pretty much sums up my 9 week (as opposed to 10 week) OCS experience.

I have now been back for a month and a half, still don't have a job, and haven't a clue what I am supposed to be doing. I feel like I have military in my blood and can't seem to give up the idea... so after spending the first month at the beach, working on my fabulous tan and catching up on my down-with-the-terrorists fiction reading, I find myself checking out Coast Guard and Army websites, and scrolling through civilian positions open in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have sent my resume out all over the place, but I am feeling directionless. And not just as far as work goes... in just about every way. I walk into my room and haven't a clue where to begin straightening it up. I sit down to play my guitar, and the chords just don't come. I open up my journal and stare at the blank page in front of me. I think I have hit a life block. I am not unhappy or upset, just unsure and a little lost. So, if you have read this far and still haven't closed the page out of total boredom (as I probably would have), please say a prayer for me - pray that I will figure out where to go next, and in the meantime, to patiently trust God with my future.

On a blogging hiatus

For those of you who keep up with my blog on a regular (or semi-regular) basis, you know that I have been training for sometime now for Marine Corps Officer Candidate School. Despite a number of setbacks, including illness, a sinus infection, a pulled muscle, an injured joint, tattoo and age waivers, and several mix-ups, my PFT eventually reached a passing score, the waivers were approved, the administrative stuff sorted itself out, and I was given the green light. I report to OCS on Thursday and embark on what will probably be the toughest 10 week journey of my life! While I do not know exactly what to expect, I do know I will not have the ability (or probably even the inclination) to blog for the next several weeks, at least. Lord willing, I will complete all 10 weeks successfully, in which case, I will graduate and commission as a 2nd Lieutenant in the USMC on Saturday, August 8th. At that point, I have no doubt that there will be plenty of stories to fill numerous blogs! Until then, it is farewell. I hope that the next time I write here it will be as one of the few and proud. =)

This is why I heart AZ!!!

The Grand Canyon
The scenic roads
The Petrified Forest
Sedona!!!

I had never seen a balloon set up (not that close up anyways)... it took about an hour and was quite fascinating.

looking down


looking up


looking out... there were two balloons that went up together (this is obviously a picture of the one I wasn't in). =P
For anyone who has never done a hot air balloon tour, I would totally recommend it! It was so peaceful up there, and the view of Sedona at sunrise was simply indescribable... even the pictures cannot do it justice. Mom and I had a fabulous time - she was so not even scared!

Desert Flowers

I knew there would be flowers in the desert because different people had told me how beautiful they are in the Spring, but I never expected to see so many different kinds, or such vibrant colors! I took so many flower pictures, it is not even funny. =)

Camelback at sunrise

It just doesn't get much better than this

We had only made it about halfway up when the sun rose, but at least we got to see it!

Love my combat boots! Hahaha... I was trying to break them in.

An amazing bird's-eye view of Phoenix as a storm approached

a chance mountain-top encounter

I have plenty of crazy stories from my AZ trip, but none as synchronicious as what happened on the last day... Mom and I decided to get up early and hike up Camelback Mountain at sunrise. Anyone who likes hiking and has ever been to Phoenix has heard of and probably hiked Camelback - in fact, anyone who knows anyone who has ever hiked and KNOWS anyone who has ever been to Phoenix has probably heard of it. It seems to be a fairly popular spot in the morning before the sun gets too strong. Some of the Phoenix natives actually hike it multiple times before sunrise! I had heard about "Camelback Jack" from a friend (he's practically a legend in the area), but I saw "Camelback Jill" there yesterday. She went up and down 3 times during my single trek to the top! Anyway, all that aside, let me get back to the real story... Mom and I were going up fairly slowly, taking pictures and enjoying the scenery, so many people passed us on our way up. I didn't pay much attention (as usual). There were three guys hiking up together... I didn't actually look at them, but one said something to Mom, so I did notice them (enough to see they were not in uniform... hahaha). Well, when I got to the top, I was looking out over the city, enchanted by the breath-taking view, when I heard a voice behind me: "excuse me?" he said. I turned around and to my utter shock and amazement, I knew this particular guy! "Jeremy?!" I asked, not actually in need of an answer - I knew immediately that it was indeed Jeremy, a guy I had not only met in college, but who is also going into the same OCS class that I will be in. We chatted for a couple of minutes and parted ways with a "see ya next week." "OORAH!"
What can I say? Life is just funny like that. Oh, and for the record, I do not believe in chance... I just think that God has a great sense of humor.

You know you are not a girly girl when...

10. It takes you less than 2o minutes to get ready in the morning.

9. "Doing your hair" consists of adding a hand-full of gel.

8. You have a pull-up bar, hung in your closet.

7. You can tell the difference between an M-4 and an M-16, but think that diamonds and cubic zirconia look the same.

6. You prefer spending hours in the gym over hours in the mall.

5. Every book in your reading list has something to do with war or military history.

4 . Your favorite article of clothing is a brown, PolarTech, fleece.

3. "Accessorizing" consists of wearing a set of dog tags.

2. Your idea of comfort food is N.O. Explode and a protein bar.

And #1:
The most expensive footwear in your closet is a pair of combat boots (closely followed by your running shoes). =P

Has he not been through enough already?!

So, the poor man makes through Navy SEAL training, gets deployed to Afghanistan, loses his entire team (men who were as dear to him as family) , is physically put through more than seems humanly possible, and still manages to survive to tell the story. As he is recovering physically, mentally, and emotionally, he is given a yellow labrodor retriever puppy that he named Dasy (an acronym from the nicknames of the four men that made up SEAL team 10). He LOVED this dog... well, a couple of weeks ago, 4 stupid boys stopped by his house in the middle of the night and shot and killed poor, little Dasy!
Here is the video clip of Glenn Beck interviewing Marcus Luttrell after the senseless killing of his dog, Dasy: Marcus Luttrell’s Dog Murdered by Punks in Texas (VIDEO)

The oft' blurred lines 'twixt living and dreaming

I'm not usually much of a dreamer, but maybe that is because I am not much of a sleeper. Lately, however, being as sick as I've been, I have become both. My dreams are very interesting though because they are just a better version of reality. My real life pretty much consists of running, working out in the gym, trying to get a better score on my PFT, and studying for the ASTB to get into flight school. In my dreams I take muliple PFTs per night and am able to complete the 70 second flexed arm hang with energy to spare; I am a super-star on the O-course; and last night, I was even a very talented fighter-pilot. The only problem with these dreams is that they are exhausting! When I wake up, I am tense and sore... definitely NOT ready to start a new day. At the same time, these dreams encourage me. I keep thinking that if I just keep up what I am doing in my current reality, maybe those things will become reality too. I know these are not the dreams of most girls, but I never was "most girls." And it's my dream.

Tippy-toes and tipping scales

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great
And the bar gets raised too high
So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measured, but You know better

~ Nicole Nordeman

These lyrics have been running through my head for weeks now as I train for a new career and the fear of failure is ever-present, literally waking me in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. The lyrics have taken on new meaning since I found out that I shrunk a half inch. That may not seem like a big deal (and wouldn't have under normal circumstances), but the USMC weight charts are based on height, which means I now have to lose weight to be comfortably within weight standards. Oh the joys of trying to join the few and proud...  =) 

On ropes, logs, and self-doubt

So I went to the USMC obstacle course (or the O-course as the Marines like to call it) this morning. I have never felt so old and out of shape as I did this morning! It was SO discouraging, I cannot even tell you!  I kept playing it over in mind as I drove home... each obstacle - what it looked like, what the technique was for it and what it felt like as I tried to get through it.  It always came back to the same thing: will I really be able to make it through OCS? I had no doubt until today.  Depressed, I got home and baked a loaf of banana bread - now there is something I am good at. Put me in a kitchen and I can create just about anything you could want to eat!  Actually, I have a lot of things I am good at, so, why am torturing myself with all this USMC stuff? I asked myself that question as I mashed bananas and folded in flour.  Well, in fact, there are a lot of reasons, but the seeming impossibility of the course, which initiated the questions is the very thing  that drew me to the Marine Corps in the first place. There is nothing quite like completing the impossible!  I love the challenge.  That is what my current job has lacked for so long.  So, it is time to get my head back in the game and learn to love logs, bars, and ropes.  =)  One day soon I will look back on this with a feeling of foolishness for ever having doubted my ability. I can't wait for that day!

A sad day for America

I knew that our new president had some wildly left-wing ideas, but his stance on stem-cell research is beyond what I expected for his first term. One writer for the Washington Post put it this way:

I am not religious. I do not believe that personhood is conferred upon conception. But I also do not believe that a human embryo is the moral equivalent of a hangnail and deserves no more respect than an appendix. Moreover, given the protean power of embryonic manipulation, the temptation it presents to science and the well-recorded human propensity for evil even in the pursuit of good, lines must be drawn... While I favor moving that moral line to additionally permit the use of spare fertility clinic embryos, President Obama replaced it with no line at all.

This is my favorite quote in the article:

Obama's address was morally unserious in the extreme. It was populated, as his didactic discourses always are, with a forest of straw men.

And the grand finale...

Obama's pretense that he will "restore science to its rightful place" and make science, not ideology, dispositive in moral debates is yet more rhetorical sleight of hand -- this time to abdicate decision-making and color his own ideological preferences as authentically "scientific."

Seriously, though, this is really sad...and scary!

It just doesn't make sense

Yesterday, I told my supervisor that what his boss wants to do is a stupid idea. I laid out the reasons why and explained that it had been done before and was a disaster back then - to repeat it would be a mistake. So, during the staff meeting this morning, we were all informed that I would be in charge of that particular project. Can I just walk out now and say I am done? I have seriously had enough of these childish games! I mean really... the level of stupidity around here has reached an all-time high. I don't know how much more I can take.

Great advice from a good man

An Army chaplain I met in Ramadi (ok, I should elaborate... I went to the Bible studies he led, often talked to him while we were all hanging out around Combat Stress or the chapel, and joked around with him on many occasions... he was definitely a go-to kind of guy)... back to my story... My phone rang the other night and it was none other than the aforementioned chaplain (he was in town for 2 days and unfortunately my schedule did not allow me to see him). After chatting for a while, he wished me well and told me he knew I would be successful in my upcoming career change. I admitted to him that I was not as confident as he seemed to be in my physical ability to achieve my goals. He assured me that I would be successful. Sensing the doubt I couldn't hide, he asked me a question: "what is your purpose in life?" Being the good little catechized girl that I am, I gave the first half of the answer I had memorized long ago: "to glorify God." "So," he replied, "whether you become a Marine, a soldier, or anything else, as long as you continue to glorify God in whatever it is you do, you will be successful." It wasn't anything I didn't already know, but it was exactly what I needed to hear! I have been so focused on me and achieving my goals and dreams that I had lost sight of what is truly important. Thanks to Chaplain R, I have been refocusing as I think through all the possible coming changes. Has it answered the questions I have about my near future? No. Nor has it eliminated my fear of failure or my trepidation, walking into unknown. But I have a peace that I have not felt in a while because I know that even if I fail in certain things in the here and now, ultimately, I will still fulfill my greater purpose. And THAT is a reason to be encouraged!

A Parable on Management

A co-worker emailed this to me... I thought it was pretty funny (and sad because it is unfortunately too true to life).

A man was in a hot-air balloon. Soon he found himself lost with nothing but
green fields for as far as the eye could see. Eventually, he happened to
float over a man who was walking his dog. He leaned over the basket and
yelled out, "Hello! Where am I?"
The man on the ground replied, "You're about 20 feet above the ground in a hot- air balloon."
The balloonist cursed him and shouted back, "You must be a statistician."
"Why do you say that?" asked the man on the ground.
"Well," shouted the balloonist, "You're absolutely correct but your answer was completely useless."
"Oh I see," replied the walker, "And you must be a manager."
"Actually, you're right," said the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the walker, "First you were lost. Then, after working out what information you needed to sort yourself out, you asked someone else to get it for you. Now that you have the information, you're still lost, but it's someone else's fault."

For Grandpa

It's been a little over a year now since I lost my Grandfather... As most of you know, I was in Iraq at the time and was informed via email. Since I could not attend the memorial service, I stayed up almost all night after hearing the bad news, writing a poem that C. read at the service for me. It was hard to go back to the States, knowing he would not be there. I thought that it would be easier once we got through all the holidays, but I still miss him every day, and especially when I go home to visit my family. As was thinking about him yesterday, I remembered the poem I wrote last year. Re-reading it, I was reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. I have so many great memories with Grandpa. I will carry those with me forever.

Here is the poem I wrote that night in Ramadi a year ago:

What are ya doing, Grandpa? I want to do it too.
I want to be like you, Grandpa, I want to be like you.

Do you need a hammer or screw?
Whatever you need; let me get it. I want to be handy like you.

Grandpa, can I play the math game with you?
How do you divide10,068 by one hundred and thirty-two?
Teach me, please, Grandpa, I want to be smart like you.

Can I come up Grandpa, can I come up too?
I want to see the flying bridge. I want to be part of your crew.
I'll even clean and sand it, and paint the bottom blue!
May I drive the boat? I want to be captain like you.

Can you teach me how to dance, Grandpa, and waltz around the room?
Teach me to follow as you lead, I want to be graceful like you.

Can you teach me about investments and the stock market too?
I don't really understand it, but I want to make money like you.

I watch the way you work, Grandpa, always honest and true.
Can you teach me your work ethic, Grandpa? I want to be respected like you.

I want to work for the Navy, Grandpa, and sail the ocean blue.
I want to fight for our freedom, I want to be brave like you.

I remember as a little girl, putting both feet into your one shoe
Now that I'm grown I know I will never be able to fill them like you
Not much else has changed, though, Grandpa… I still want to be just like you.

Movie Review: He's Just Not That Into You

I remember when the self-help book came out... my friends and I all thought it was pretty funny and we used it as a catch-phrase quite frequently when discussing stupid boys and their unexplainable antics. So, when I saw the trailer for this movie I was actually interested in seeing this particular chick-flick (not a favorite genre of mine in general). Friday night, I went to the theater with a couple of friends, ready to sit back and be amused... but I was not - not really. Don't get me wrong; there were a number of really funny parts to it, but overall, I felt that the movie fell flat. The characters were losers. It was hard to relate or really empathize with any of them. I just kept thinking, "get a life already!" What I took away from the movie is that, girls, you are not the exception to the rule... until... you are. And guys, yes, even the most cynical of you can fall utterly, hopelessly in love with a girl. My recommendation: save your money. Rent it if you must, but don't rush to see it.